The latest collection to be produced by Seymour Poets is 'The Conscious Poet' by Sarah De-vent. In the interest of increasing accessibility the text of the book is below.
As a child my life was a whirlwind of events and trauma, I was trying to make sense of the world, in at the deep end, treading water until I was grown enough to make my own road.
My world became full of pain and blame, haters, players and night crawlers. However I always carried on regardless. No matter the struggle, the pain, loneliness. I battled to survive, reinventing myself to change for the better, to do better by others, family, friends and myself.
I have spent my whole life running round, helping and being a good friend, sister, mother and daughter, even running around helping strangers. I would have my dark days; no one would have known how much I was going it alone. I build a wall, I built it tall.
Despite the unfortunate circumstances I faced alone in my life, I always refused to be broken. My writing saved me.
I once read that you can't win if you don't show up. From that day I turned all my 'no's into 'yes's. My life actually started feeling like it was my life. I shut the door on being Miss Convenient. My life, my rules.
I closed the doors on wasted energy and started putting my energy into myself and my own dreams
The race of life and the race of time, only one finish line: mine.
I recently become unemployed and decided to put pen to paper. I organised all my poems and lyrics and used my time positively.
I met Janet from Bluesci Arts and Well Being Centre at Partington library and convinced me to do something with my poetry. Since then I have done 3 performances and been published in the Partington Creative Arts book and now I have been lucky to have met and been support by Jackie Hagan who is helping me make this book.
"And so it goes."
Body Amour Hold the Blame My Old Other The Chattering of the Horses' Shoes Cement Mixer Fixer Still Not Breaking Walk on With a Smile Races v Races Iron Lady The Damage is Done 'Nuff of That Life's Spring Rose Do you Hurt Like This? Grapes Gone Sour Drunken Talk Never Made It Ganja Highway Frozen June Moon Behind Closed Doors Can't See Love Tormented Mind Date with Fate Changing Colours of a Crown Sensi, Ease Up Chocolate Rain and Candy Canes Too Hot to Handle fm. Functioning Moods The Rise and Fall of the Waterslide It's Friday, I'd rather lather You Say I am Your Number One Sucking Lines Honey I'm bored! My Perfect Imaginary World in an Empty Space
Personal body armor. Strong, indestructible to the gullible.
To me, an empty tomb in which I battle all demons.
Trying not to self-destruct.
Hold the Blame
Here's my hand, take it if you need it. I've tried a hundred times to save you. But you find a hundred and one reasons to keep the pain, to pass the blame. Here's my hand, take it if you need it.
I'm going insane trying to see the error of your ways. Don't want to wake up and shed tears to the soil, my pain's on the boil.
You have to see, you have to hear, there's a lot of people who still love you dear. Here's my hand, take it if you need it.
Wash away your fears, wash away your tears, this heart is always here.
Every day is a step back into yesterday looking like tomorrow, and there's the reflection, not in the mirror but in your projection, you yourself and yesterday.
My Old Other
She hurdles on no matter the weather, although the hurdles are not as high as they used to be.
There's no suspension in her knees, she's a size 10, give or take a little (try x 10!).
Her knees don't bend like they used to, her teeth fill a hole, don't laugh too hard or you'll cop for another pair flying right at you 100 miles per hour.
Her eyes still sparkle, although they're weary, and teary she laughs with a stutter and a splutter, most of the time a complete nutter!
But I wouldn't want no other, my old other.
The Chattering of the Horses' Shoes
I'm hearing the chattering of the horses' shoes as I'm standing in my pinstripe suit, tears racing down but there's no finish line in sight. Just the sound of my tears falling heavily on my shoes.
Am shaking my head from left to right because all the demons and emotions running wild inside my mind. Asking "Why was it you?" "Why was it you?".
I'm trying to raise my glass and take a drink, Salute, God bless you. Rest in peace, because peace was all you ever needed, Am shedding tears to the soil, you were my peer but nothing made sense when you were here and now you're gone it's all clear, it's all clear.
Your knowledge, your wisdom, your charm, the extension of your arms to keep us from harm. The nights you slept in your chair just in case you heard a voice say "Dad, are you there?
Are you there?"
I'm hearing the chattering of the horses' shoes, tearsdrops running down my pinstripe suit, but there's no finish line in sight. Just the sound of my tears falling as I wish you good night.
God bless you. Rest in peace,
Rest in peace.
I never fall, I'm already fallen, but I rise with pride.
Cement Mixer Fixer
Cement mixer fixer, emotion builder, build a wall, build it tall.
Throw in a bit of the past. A shovel of emotions, a few guilty pleasures and just one more for good measure.
And don't forget regret. It hasn't set in yet.
Cement mixer fixer, build a wall, build it tall.
Still not breaking
Childhood - Tarmac on a stick, old houses, burnt out cars, Wrek Park, bottle tops, alley way walls.
Teen years: Drink, drama, violence, runaway, Bluebell Woods, all-nighters, Chaka Khan, Late 80s music, friends, dance routines.
Hell years: Hood life, single parent, abused, used, death, pain, lost my womb at 22, life in chains, all in my brain.
Breathing: Escaped, Partington, new house, new area. Now I'm breathing for the first time in my life, Lord am finally breathing.
Succeeding: Working, grand-daughter Ruby excelling, my daughter Robyn, my son Joel, met Janet from Bluesci who encouraged me to go forward with my talent.
All my fight was to protect and defend my kids by moving them to a better place at that time in my life so they could have a better childhood without mental scars.
The middle people suffocating me, I'm still not breaking. Cut loose. Keep moving.
I don't do excuses. I don't abuse it. I move it. I prove it.
Survived at rock bottom upcoming gains goals lived life
Walk on with a smile
I'll one day, in a while tell you why it's been a while! I no longer dial your number, It's been a while, I just smile.
Races v Races
There's only one finish line. Leave all your possessions behind. Races, pointless races.
Human races running out of faces. Let's face it, mask removed.
How I became it! Because for every time you knocked me down I'd rise again. With every brick I caught I built a wall to shut out my senses and become senseless.
Love became transparent, got it on tap but it just keeps running past and then I just flush another for the gutter, you lying motherfucker.
The Damage is Done
The damage is done, I'm sorry for all the shit I put you through, all the switching and the bitching. But they say if you can't stand the heat get the hell out the kitchen. There' no button that says 'undo'. There's no boot strong enough to walk out all the thoughts of pain I put you through. But the damage is done, there's no button that says 'undo', I’m sorry for all the shit I put you through.
Nuff of That
I'm glad you stopped in your tracks, turned your back on that pot, coke and crack. Picked up your herbal teas and put down your 40% proof. Trying to tell me it's juice? Your vodka, water, hoarder, alcohol border!
I know you went through a lot of bad to get to what was right in time. I now know you go to bed and wake up bright. Not a worry of a fight. I now see how well you've done. I’d like to give you a pat on the back and say well done to that. I'm so glad you made it through and said
"Nuff of that! Turned my back. And got my life back."
Can't seem to want to request and digest the zest in your inhuman nature.
Life's Spring Rose
How quick you've grown, youthful face, rosy cheeks, hair thick and long, sat just above your hips.
Pink lipstick, a blanket for your kiss. Full of life, running wild. Builders whistle as you walk by. They can't believe what's in their eyes. Me, I turn and give them the 'V's and tell them my Dad will knock them to their knees.
Life's young rose, how quick the road has brought us to old. Frozen look, a quick glance in time. Crushing emotions of all that's yet to come and soon to pass. To know that life's young rose has grown old. It hurts like a bed of thorns ripping through my soul to know one day, we will depart.
I'm distant because I care, I'm distant but I'm there.
Life's young rose, only God knows, if I could reserve and preserve you then maybe one day they would return you to life's spring rose.
How quick life goes, how quickly my petals froze.
Do you hurt like this?
Does anyone hurt like this? A trampled marathon of footprints race across my heart. Cross country they say and don't forget to thank me on the way.
Done so much undetected, unselected, unpredicted, unsuspected, unprotected, understated, uncorrected, underestimated.
Grapes gone sour
Whistle and walk my way, smile and I'll think I’ll stay, just a while.
Bark and I'll bawl, touch me the right way, think I’ll crawl.
Love me the right way, things are going my way, think I'll stay, just a while.
Over and out, begin to shout, nasty, nasty, leave it out.
Too much time, got to leave, no time to reconcile, you're already suffocated, what was I meditating?
Little love, rolled up snug as bug. Spend a while.
Sour grapes, over-stayed, little time, need to unwind.
Next time: think, think think Before you pick up that Drink, drink, drink.
Never Made it
For the fourth time today I'm putting on my trainers.
Never mind the traumas and the trailers, can't seem to think, can't seem to concentrate, there's always a situation, there's always a debate.
and like I said For the fourth time today I'm putting on my trainers! For the last time!
Fuck it, I'm too late anyway.
I'm at joint nation where on every windowsill sits an old flame from the most memorable day.
But there's still fire between us until the end
at joint nation sending me round the bend.
Frozen Moon in June
Look up with a sigh wondering why frozen veins frozen expression upon my face my reflection that says disgrace frozen moon in June.
Behind closed doors
I just wondered if you're okay? We used to say we wouldn't be this way. I used to go to bed frightened, I used to go to bed frightened hearing all the fussing and the fighting. I just wondered if you're okay?
You used to say 'I'll be ok', but then all the fussing and the fighting, I used to go to bed frightened, I'd pray you'd be okay. Like to see another day. Prayed you'd be okay.
I fall asleep crying. As the screams fade away. I'm sick of all the fighting. I'd pray it would all be okay one day.
Slave to the 'yes',
guilty to the 'no'.
Can't See love
Time and time again I'm trampled down, don't know why no one sticks around.
Can't see love.
Close my eyes tight, hoping I don't cry tonight, foolish you doesn't have a clue.
Turn around for a hug, 360, I'm heavy with lonely, and bitter without love, that pittar patter sound, as I'm holding my head, at night, eyes shut tight, tear drops falling as I write, good night.
This is the road I choose to travel. I can't fight this war anymore. All the smiles can't get me through this battle. Inside my tormented mind I have all the questions and no answers to reason, this is my road I choose to travel, this is my road as my days draw slower and slower I'm struggling to find reasons to stay alive. This is my battle, my tormented mind.
I guess entertainment was my label,
my alias was willing and able.
Date with Fate
I'm on an Avenue called 'a touch of hate' while coughing up all the guilt I ate.
'Click' there goes the sound of the gate, up the avenue, got a date with fate.
So I'm backpacking this day, this way.
Changing Colours of a Crown
20 dresses, 12 hours, no date, 20 showers.
I put on a dress to impress, to undress, to smile for a while.
Changing colours of a crown.
20 dresses, 12 hours, no date, and 20 showers.
Sensi Ease Up
Sat in some cold-arse house eating some cold-arse toast, in a cold-arse world.
Cos I got stuck on a verse that's done its worst.
So I called it 'Sensi Ease Up'
and turn the heat up.
Some kind of something.
Chocolate Rain and Candy Canes
If I could turn all my grey clouds into candy then I'd eat them all away instead of them standing in my way.
If it rained chocolate rain I'd taste it and be a million miles away.
Chocolate rain pours and washes away all my flaws, chocolate rain pours, how sweet the world would be if it rained chocolate rain on me.
Chocolate rain and candy canes.
Too Hot to Handle
Too hot to handle, the chat, the talk the scandal.
The small minds nothing to say only the scandal.
Never listen to the scandal intelligence.
fm. Functioning Moods
It's broody Thursday, am just sat here tap-tapping away to the cool up-tempo, soulfood beats, oh yes, this is mind seduction.
Feet dancing under the table, to the special beat, my buttocks working out my seat!
Shoulders and neck got this thing going on, like this Mr. and Mrs. Jones thing, mmm, mmm, mmmm!
Good vibrations running up and down and around my body, the melody! Neck's perched, mind's about to erupt!
Fireworks everywhere, and then it is the total seduction, and this is how we do it.
Don't touch that dial, ah yes, this is jazz FM, on Thursday afternoon, functioning moods.
The Rise and Fall of the Waterside
The best day, cemented with the worst outcome, fell for a bum on the run.
Never stopped to thank me just turned around and blanked me.
Said he was saving the world from me. Said "You blow hot and cold girl, some kind of nutter!"
That MF took me through hell, left me to boil, said "It's all in your head girl, you got brain turmoil".
What would he know? He's just a bum on the run, run, run. Nowhere left to run, run, run.
Can't hide from yourself. Said "It's all in your head, head, head!" So It's time I put this one to bed! Bum on the run.
It's Friday, I'd Rather the Lather.
It's Friday and I'm working myself up into a lather rather!
I'd rather be wrapped up in my tub of bubble love, than in your false embrace, I need space! I'd rather the lather!
Sit back and listen to the voice of Dina, Gina, Alisha, Def Jam, damn right! Turn up the volume! Turn down the light!
I'm working myself up into a lather, rather. What? When? How? Why? Trying to be a Lady, Sister, Queen, Herd! So when all of the above stood and showed me no love? Well, hell! I'd rather the lather, tub of love, even love couldn't believe I'd done something for me today!
I sat back, turned on Def Jam, Hood Queen, New Orleans, Dina Gilmore, Queen Latifah, You know what I mean?
And it’s Friday, and I'm doing it for me.
You Say I Am Your Number One
You say I am your number one, you say I am a number gone. You say "Fuck in Hell!" I say "I do it well".
2013, unlucky for some, but lucky for me, see I've been through too many years of this misery so believe me when I say I've never had it easy, I never had it easy.
Now I'm running down the track, screaming at my mother's back saying "Please don't leave me!" Cold look, because she couldn't give a fuck. She's leaving. She's on a 24-hour grieving. Daddy's leaving. Emotional vomit cuts through my stomach, hits like a bullet. Not once, not twice, but every day of my god damn life. Teardrops in her eyes. She never had it easy.
There's no red left in this black heart, There’s no tears left in these eyes to cry.
I'm having trouble bleeding, I'm having trouble breathing, I feel the pain, I rain on the rain, because for every hit I took I made a hit. I got through today with a prayer for tomorrow, so believe me when I say I never had it easy.
You gained vanity, but lost your sanity.
Pretty ugly, hey.
Just want people to hear my music, not my fault if you can't defuse it, not my fault if you wanna abuse it, not my fault if you wanna refuse it.
I will rap a quick verse for you but I won't lie down in a hearse for you, I'll throw a few bars down and maybe I'll curse at you doesn't give you the right to turn up at my house in the middle of the night and try to take my life, right.
Because when I was looking, cups of tea, begging, some change please, everybody wanna be a rapper.
Just want people to hear my music, not my fault if you can't defuse it, spit a few bars down cos they got down, brought themselves back up with a couple of lines to ease the mind.
Pen to paper, oh how I crave yeah, sucking lines is how I made yah, major. I spend many a night sucking up all your bitterness, spat you out quickness, pipless! Paper I gave you an overspill. it's rained so hard already, I'm gonna have to give you a full stop.
Stop! Wipe away a tear and start again. Can you feel my pain?
I will rap a quick verse for you but I won't lie down in a hearse for you. Pen to paper, pen my savior, sucking lines is what made yeh, major!
Honey, I'm Bored!
Out of sight, out of mind, honey you just ain't my kind, you would like me to lay down, myself on your floor so you can explore and enjoy this woman, you think 'whore'.
But I've seen many men, all shapes and sizes, and I'm not just talking about wallet sizes.
Honey, I'm no whore, I'm just bored and frankly you just ain't my type. Out of sight, out of mind, Honey you just ain't my kind, I'm bored!
Running out of space mind, running out of space time, running out of race time!
All in a row, here we all go, running in to space time, running out of hate crimes, running out of playtimes.
You only got one finish line, meet you at the gate time. Had a great time, in time, running out of race crimes, running out of hate times, you've only got one life time, put away your negative vibes. Got one thing on my mind: time. Running into space time, world!
I'm an angel in my own devilish way.
My Perfect Imaginary World in an Empty Space
A happy child playing up and down the alley ways, playing in derelict houses, full of adventure. I'd built my perfect world in an empty space, no walls, no doors, just moldy, musty, dusty floors, light shining in from the holes in the roof, the flapping of the pigeons' wings as the imaginary doorbell rings, waiting on the neighborhood army to come and find me and march me out the door! My imaginary perfect world, I adored, gone for hours, I explored, running up and down the terraced cobbled streets, collecting all the doormats to make it comfy for me! Until the street army are marching, they're coming for me, run fast, return the mats! Street army at ease.